Jan 17, 2010

Lifting the lid

Bismillahir rahmanir rahim

 A sahabiah of mine shared, sometimes, we thought we've reached the peak of iman : our Qiam is tearful, we feel Allah in every single of our breath. We felt as if we were on the top; with joy, our walk isn't the regular walk steps, but almost a hop (like the one I used to see on cartoons, when the girls went to berry-picking, they HOP with joy instead of walk). We forgot that an Ibadur Rahman yamsyuna 'alal ardi haunan (Al-Furqan 25:63). They walk on  earth with  tawadhu' (humility). I can't picture it right the first time I learnt about this ayat, but Syeikh Yusuf Qardhawi's 12 Sifat Ibadur-Rahman book illustrates this quality the best. An Ibadur Rahman walks the way a man-who-will-be-returned-to-the-dirt walks. As an Ibadur Rahman steps on the ground, he knew, at any moment, he would be even lower (6 feet under) than the ground he's stepping on. Nah!

Yes, a Muslim should be izzah (proud), but of what is he taking pride differs a self-pride than izzah. When you are proud of being good, holy, etc, that is a self-pride. When one feels better, holier than the others, that is the moment when he's actually at the WORST! Ah! Isn't Allah who gives us the strength and drive to do good deeds? And when He gives us such strength, we felt as if the good deeds are all because of our own effort, that we do not praise Him at all! Pirah!

Ah! I called Ummi and asked her for advice. She gave the usual. bla bla bla.. Almost, one might thought her advice is as usual as an ustazah's on the usual Islamic show on TV eg al-Kuliyyah, Forum Perdana, al-Hidayah etc.. I wished for something that is fiery and burning. Nah! I took my time reflecting. This is actually what I need, because I've ditched these for a very long time. And that's why Allah made Ummi repeated the same thing again and again.

There was a phase in my life, when I felt very close to Him. But the drive which propelled me to be close to Him was shallow - to get As, to excel in PMR, UPSR etc. During such phase, there were even times when I felt my dhuha had this indescribable calming effect. There were even times when I felt as if the Malaikats are always there watching and guarding me, when I was walking to the class, prep etc.

Nah! Now, I know my aim has gone beyond As. My exam is not just here. The FINALe awaits in the hereafter. But, the aim hasn't penetrate deep into the heart. How could I put so much effort for the worldly exams (PMR, UPSR, PTS, etc) but not for the FINAL?

Ummi shared many practical tips that I am still struggling to make them on an istiqamah basis.

Ummi reminded us that hidayah is not like a guest peeking on a house (heart) and shyly knocking on the door. But, Allah is SO Generous that His Hidayah is like a water being poured into a jug (bejana).

Your heart is not a house with a door,
but a jug with a lid on it.

Hidayah does NOT KNOCK,
but it is POURED UNCOUNTABLY into our jug (heart) by Allah! 

If you keep thinking that your heart has a door, you would have many options -  to open it all, 99%, 68%, half, quarter or not at all.
But, if you view it as a jug with a lid, you opt ONLY between two - lift or not to lift.

If only we lift the lid, we can see so much! (refer Bro Maher's Open Your Eyes)


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