In the name Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
My psychology teacher taught lesson on communication last week, which was indeed 'makan dalam' (touched) me. (to the extend of me shedding tears stealthily because I'm 'kera sumbang'!)
(am referring to my notes)
THE DOS AND DON'TS
1) make eye contact to whom you speak or listen to
2) do listen & response. not a mere fake 'hmmm', 'really' etc.. must do it with all my heart
3) remember what one said especially the name
relating to Abbas As-Sissiy in his book 'Bagaimana Menyentuh Hati', as a dai, the number one step in winning mad'u's heart is by remembering his name.
4) and KEY NO.1 :
DON'T READ OTHER PEOPLE'S MIND (aka JUDGING THE UNKNOWN)
this suprises me on top of other dos and don'ts. I thought, that it was my weirdness that I used to be offended by particular questions or utterances.. Indeed this 'sensitivity' is not only infecting me, but other human beings too!!! What a relieve.. (pheww!!)
Sometimes (or actually most of the times), I hate people saying 'kesian' (poor you!) to me because it reminds me of being pathetic & helpless, which leads me judging that the person potraying his sympathy is judging me as pathetic & helpless. The most annoying of all is saying 'kesian' and at the same time continuing his chore without helping me overcoming the problem I've caught into.
Also, the teacher mentioned that if we notice something is wrong with this person, don't inquire by asking questions that show HE HAS SOMETHING WRONG. Eg 'are you okay?', 'got problem' etc.. He might fire back 'what makes you think I got problem?!! it's you who got problem...bla2...'
Instead, say it casually and naturally, words that are both of concern and non-judgementing.
Reflecting over my hablumminannas (relationship with human), it's easier said than done. I'm expecting others to treat me well first, because only then I'll do the same. And, this is very wrong of me. One should not expect more from others but his own self. Also, to be good in hablumminnannas, I should be really good in my hablumminallah (relationship with Allah) because Allah is the ONE and ONLY who owns hearts of other people. Only when I'm close to Him, He'll make every other thing easier for me, InsyaAllah..
At the very end of the class, we did this psychology exercise. And this time, one needs to go to another person, thanking this another person for doing this and that. I worried that nobody thank me, and I'm relieved that two came out to me. One was my groupmate, thanking me for being a good listener and I thanked her back because I don't remember me doing such deeds. And, the other one was someone very important in my life, who thanked me for things I expect not. "Thank you for improving me without being judgemental".
Whenever I recalled both thanks, they would leave me with very warm glows. Alhamdulillah
Wallahualam. Indeed, Allah knows the most.