Oct 16, 2009

Part II : My English is necrotizing



And off I went in quest of the counter. I found it. But, the notes I had was about RM3toRM5-less than the ticket price. I went upstairs to withdraw money from the ATM bank. Still in my MRSM uniform, I must be the one with the most troubled look at the ATM queue; among those pilots, air crews and whatnots. The money couldn't be withdrawn, likely because my card was having problems or worse, there was no money left in my account. So, I needed to pretend like I've done my business at the ATM, sat at the nearby seats and wait till those who were queuing behind me went off from the ATM too. I didn't want them to notice that I queued for the 2nd , 3rd ... times since it would be obvious that I was in trouble. I tried many times, in case the card would be OK back in any of the attempts. In between of the queuing(s), I went to call ummi to update about my not-well-beings, in hope of getting any help. But, ummi didn't pick up the phone, the line was busy etc. I was too desensitized to emotionally respond to anything.

Even worse, in the middle of my ATM-public phone sequences, I had misplaced my bag somewhere near the escalator. It was quite heavy and I was not in the mood to lug my bag along, especially when I had many other bigger heavier things to lug in my mind. After a  few times of going ups and downs almost every accessible escalator, I finally noticed where it was. I've been looking for it there many times, but I failed to notice it. I was too desensitized to emotionally respond to anything.

I had given up and just headed to the counter. I ordered the ticket, placed all my notes and shoved down all the coins from the coins compartment of my beg duit, praying it would be enough. From my lousy quick calculation, it was exactly enough. Alhamdulillah.. The cashier gave me the ticket without even care to check either I had given enough amount of money.

All happens in one afternoon of the very same day. I felt in-action almost like Robert Langdon in Angels and Demons, only that I worked with signboards (ATM, counter, public phone, 1st floor etc) not raw symbols.

Above all, I learn when there's nothing we can depend on but Allah and you let Him solve it for us, everything is beautiful. When we depend on Him, nothing harm or heal us but Him. Every trial I had (no money, misplaced bags, ummi not picking up the phone, feeling malu to go to ATM many times among those pilots etc) was viewed with anticipation. It was a mystery to wait of how Allah would help me overcome this trial before He gave me the other trial. It was an adventure to enjoy every single moment of uncertainty, yet an infinite tranqulity.

After the emotional turbulence on that very morning, Allah entertained me with such tranquility, such calmness, such beauty. And, by the time I was at abi's bedside, I was emotionally uplifted. Even abi and the others weren't expecting me to be all bouncy, especially when my brother (the first son-cum-the second child) shed tears when he saw my dad.


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